I came to a realization about two options for my future. Half of you who would find this blog would probably be hopeless romantics anyhow and would choose option one, but it is getting more and more meaningful to me to lean at option two.
Option 1: I can choose to be a bohemian, I can pursue my career as a freelance lighting designer and a professional actor. I can audition in every city, move constantly, have housing provided for me or find a cheap apartment every few months. I can meet new people every day, build bonds that are strong and networks that would span oceans. I could live with hundreds upon thousands of people watching my every move and hanging on my every word, or be hypnotized by whatever painting of light I have on the stage. That's the dream I 've had since I was a kid, since before I knew not even 1/100 of what I know now.
Option 2: I can choose to have my white picket fence. I can fall in love again. I can save up a real bank account, plan vacations, live a quiet life. I can go on adventures as I choose to wherever in the world I want to go. I can get a job as a PR manager or Camera Man. I can have my group of friends who will always be just a phone call and a 10 minute drive away. I will have next door neighbors that will borrow my tools and I'll accidentally cut half of their lawn.
I'm torn dammit... making these decisions by myself is humbling, but being lost is a terrible feeling. It would be so much easier if there was something to work towards or someone to follow or go with me.
It's everything good, and everything bad.
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